Wouldn't be anywhere near as funny if it wasn't so true.
"In the old days (prior to, say, 1993 or so) there used to be specific guidelines at stations for use of on-air terminology. This was done so the viewers could understand the importance of stories in relation to each other. Now, so many of the terms are mixed messages... In the interest of public service, Lost Remote presents what news terms used to mean, and what they mean today.
"We interrupt this program to bring you a Special Report":
OLD: The president has been shot.
NEW: A cute girl is missing.
OLD: The president will resign.
NEW: There's a car on the side of the road with a flat.
OLD: Man will land on the moon within the hour.
NEW: Man landed on Pam Anderson over the weekend."