Friday, April 29, 2005

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

I've been linking to a few Star Wars related sites of late, as the big date approaches, but this one has to be the best of the lot.

"The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster" is a weblog written by, who else but, Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith. The weblog thus far is set around the events leading up to and including "The Empire Strikes Back" and chronicles Darth's thoughts, dreams and fears as he chases the terrorist Rebel Alliance across the galaxy.

"Do you ever have one of those days where you find yourself asking, "Hey, I know I'm bad, but what did I do to deserve this?"

Have I mentioned before that I am surrounded by idiots? Let me cut to chase and just tell you up front: the rebels got away. All of them. General Veers, bless his heart, must have destroyed two dozen armed speeders and an entire line of infantry -- but those were just ants. We failed to take Mothma, Organa, Rieekan, Skywalker or even the traiterous fish Ackbar.

You might be thinking some fruit would come of our ensnaring the Millennium Falcon as it fled Hoth. You would be a damned fool optimist. My elite squadron of StarDestroyers proved itself utterly incapable of a securing a single unescorted freighter travelling less than the speed of light.

I mean, come on."


"It was not a rebel trap. It was a mining colony. A non-unionized, untaxed mining colony catering to the underworld: Hutts and primitives, scoundrels and libertarians. The administrator of the facility was a quaking fool in expensive fabrics, introduced as Lando Calrissian.

I took one look at his satin shirt and disco hair and I knew he was a weak specimen, and would prove easy to bend to my will. He tried to smile while he bartered for his life, and I picked through his jellied mind at my leisure. His smile faltered. "Lord Vader, with all respect, what is it you want from us?"

"I don't know," I told him, rising from my chair. "But you will soon find out."

I have a feeling this man Calrissian has a role to play yet."

It's well written, highly creative and enjoys a touch of cross-genre humour, such as the post " And Me, With A Pain In All The Diodes Down My Left Side." Best of all, the comments by its readers, the majority of whom have maintained the narrative, are a joy to read. Take a look.

The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster

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